When The Boss and I got engaged, I knew that I was going to wear hijab on my wedding day — as opposed to having a segregated wedding where I wouldn’t have had to.
Since I told The Boss, I might get cold feet and sneak out of the hotel before the wedding starts, for reasons that are beyond me, The Boss warned me not to run away on our wedding day. He was all, “If you don’t show up, I swear I will never talk to you again.” And I was all, “What if I call you later?” and he was like, “No, I won’t pick up.” And I was like, “If I call you why wouldn’t you pick up?” And he goes, “Because you left me at our wedding!” And I was like, “Yeah, but what if I had a flat tire?” And he goes, “You’re staying in the hotel! All you have to do is come downstairs!” And I was like, “Umm..Hello?!? What if I get a flat tire while trying to ride my bike into the hall? You obvs don’t know how to plan for an emergency.”
The good news is, I didn’t run away.
I also didn’t get a flat tire.
The bad news is, my mom nixed my ‘ride in on a bike’ idea.
One of my readers recently asked me for some tips on how to wear hijab on your wedding day, which is a topic I am thrilled to talk about because so many people think it’s impossible.
So Many People, ya’ll are wrong!
First, get your outfit.
Know what you’re going to wear.
Try it on before you get it.
Don’t let someone who doesn’t know you buy your clothes and then show up with them at the wedding.
Look, I know in a lot of cultures it ’s custom for the groom’s family to buy you your clothes.
But I don’t see the logic, People.
If you don’t have someone else pick out your outfits for work and school, why would you wear something THAT SOMEONE ELSE PICKED OUT FOR YOU ON YOUR WEDDING DAY?
I’m not saying you should be anti-culture, and forbid your future in-laws from getting involved. Just make sure you take your mom with you wherever you go. When your mom is with you, no one can say anything.
Be honest with your future in-laws and tell them what makes you feel comfortable and what doesn’t. If you pretend like you love everything they show you, it’s only going to make you look bad later.
You know why?
I’ll tell you why.
Because since you didn’t have the guts to speak up, you’re going to cry about it to your future husband who doesn’t have any tact so he’ll tell his mom that you don’t like the clothes she picked out for you, and then she’ll start crying because she’s like, “Oh my God, my son’s wife doesn’t appreciate me!” And then you’ll be all mad at your guy because you’re all, “You idiot! I told you not to tell!” and then you start crying because you think you can’t trust the man you’re going to marry, and now everyone is crying.
And let’s be real, no one looks good when they cry.
I knew what I was going to wear at my wedding, but The Boss’s mom really wanted to get me an outfit for our second reception, called a “Waleemah.” We decided that The Boss and his family would come down for a visit and we’d go shopping together. Everyone gave their input, and I ended up picking something that I loved — an outfit called a “langha.”
His family got to pepper a little Indian culture on our wedding festivities, his mom got me a gift, and everyone was happy.
PROBLEM.SOLVED.
Once you have your outfit, try it on with the hijab and jewelry you’re going to wear.
The key is to PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. Even if you’ve been wearing hijab for years, with all the extra clothes, and jewelry you’ll have on that day, you’re going to want to do a dress rehearsal to make sure you’re comfortable.
(Haha, get it? Dress rehearsal?)
Anyone?
No?
Okay.
(Photos by: Maria Lavalle of AC Ellis Photography)

I knew I was going to wear my grandmother’s sari the moment my dad showed it to me, and said it was mine. All the designs I drew up for my dress, all the fabrics and colors I had picked — all of that flew out the window the minute I saw this.

A lot of brides that wear hijab get pressured into wearing short sleeves on their wedding day so their arms can be decorated with dozens of bangles. But that wasn’t happening here. My aunt and uncle who live in London sent us a few yards of beautiful gold fabric, and my mom had a long-sleeve blouse sewn for me. In this picture, my mom’s best friend is helping me get ready in my hotel room, and check it out, ya’ll! I’m wearing bangles!

In the South Asian cultures, it’s customary for the bride to have fabric from her outfit draped over her head, and to wear some sort of jewelry on her face.
Everyone thinks you can’t do that if you’re in hijab.
Everyone is wrong.

Here I am in my hotel room getting pinned by my aunt…or mom…I don’t remember.
I wore my hijab the way I normally do, but before I put on the underscarf, I pinned that piece of jewelery (called a “teeka”) to my hair with a bobby pin.

Who said you can’t do a necklace with hijab? I wore a long strand of jewels, and tucked my hijab into my blouse. Under normal circumstances, I never tuck my hijab into my clothes, but in this case it worked out perfectly because of the way the sari wrapped around my body.
I know, I hunch.
It’s because I’m shy.
Really, I am.
I don’t like it when everyone is looking at me.
I actually thought about picking my nose so everyone would look away. But then I thought my mom would give me one of those Mom Death Stares, and it would burn a hole into my forehead, and I didn’t want to have a hole in my face in all my pictures, so I decided against the nose picking.
I also didn’t want all the guests to leave before dinner.

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to show you this photo:
This is Little BFF, ya’ll! She was one of our six flower girls. Isn’t she gorgeous?
I love you, Little BFF!
The following weekend, I wore my hijab again. This time, with the outfit that I picked out with the whole gang.
(Photos by: Danielle Klein-Williams of dani. fine photography)

Since my mom is pretty much a genius, when she had the extra fabric sewn onto this blouse, she also had the designer add three little buttons that snap open and shut in a really discrete place under my forearms. That way, when it was time to pray, I’d be able to make my ablution, which is the ritual washing before prayer, (and includes washing your arms to your elbows) with ease.

Unlike the hijab I wore with my sari, I decided to let this scarf fall behind me, but made sure that the beauty of the outfit was not hidden.

Starch your hijabs, Brides.
Not so much that you feel like you’re wearing cardboard on your head, but enough so that the car ride to wherever you’re going doesn’t ruin the effort it took to iron it.

I might be in mid-blink here. Or I might be squinting because the sun is in my eyes. Or, I could be in pain because The Boss might have squirted me in the eye with that lemon that’s stuck to his face.
Pinning the extra fabric (called a “dupata”) took the longest.
First, my mom did it, and didn’t like it. Then she called her cousin for help. Didn’t like her version either. So she found her niece. Nope. Then I tried myself. Definitely not happening according to my mom. My friends weighed in, she ignored them.
Finally, she got a hold of her sister-in-law.
Luckily, she’s pretty awesome at everything.
And after all that, I had to go to the bathroom.
No one was happy with me.

I had a little trouble with this hijab. Wanna know why? BECAUSE I DIDN’T PRACTICE. (Please take advice above.)
Oh, this little funny pie is Little BFF’s sister, and she has THE CUTEST LAUGH!
I know, I have sideburns.
I also have arm hair.
I’m Indian.
Stop judging me.

Everyone says you can’t wear a head piece if you cover your hair. Tell them that they’re wrong, and that they smell. That will get them to stop talking, and then eventually they’ll walk away because they’re going to want to sniff their armpits, but they won’t be able to because they’re in public, so they’ll try to do it discretely, but then they’ll be worried that someone will notice, so they’ll sneak away to the bathroom, and you can go about your business — hijab and all.
(You can thank me later.)
Pin the jewels (fake or real, no one will care, and the person who does shouldn’t have been invited anyway) to your hair with bobby pins. Put an underscarf, or bandanna, or headband over the pins, and then wrap your hijab.
It’s safe and secure, I tell ya.
Safe and secure.

This necklace was supposed to rest on my neck, against my collar bones. But if I wore it the way it was intended to be worn, you wouldn’t have been able to see it because of my hijab. Since chest exposure was not an option for me, we loosened the strings in the back so it hung about six inches from my neck, and was visible below my scarf.

The Boss’s mom got me those bangles, too. Aren’t they fun?
Alright, well that’s about 12 more pictures of myself than I can handle, so I can only imagine what you’re going through.
Blame it on Canada, that’s where the question came from.
Bottom Line: Know what you’re going to wear months before your wedding. That way, if you have to make any alterations, or can’t find a hijab you like, you’ll have all the time in the world to make those fixes.
Look, the point is not to tell women to wear hijab on their wedding day. If you don’t wear hijab, or if you prefer to have a segregated wedding, then that’s totally your prerogative.
But if you have decided to wear hijab, as a liberating symbol, and public declaration of your faith, then I think you should stand up for what you believe in, even if the whole world (including family) is standing against you. The reality is, when you stand for something, be it because of your faith, your family, or your own moral compass, your belief system will be challenged by others — and sometimes by those you love most.
It’s so common to see women who cover their hair take off their scarves on their wedding day due to family pressure, but this post is to let every woman know that it doesn’t have to be that way.
Style is not about doing what someone else wants, or expects you to do. It’s the dress of your thoughts — it’s about how you choose to express yourself, and what makes you feel confident, comfortable and beautiful. If you want to wear blue on your wedding day in a society that wants you to wear white, I say, wear the blue!
But listen, if you have a crazy relative that gets all bent out of shape because you decided to go against the norm, don’t send them to this Web site. I don’t want to be attacked with that creepy tongue thing where the women make those loud sounds.
That scares me.