Writing my manuscript: on naming names

Posted on February 15, 2012
Filed Under Daily, Manuscript | 12 Comments

One of the challenges I’m finding with trying to write a memoir is how often (or if at all) I should use real names. Because a lot of this memoir is going to be unguarded in my honesty about my life, my family, my marriage, I tend to seesaw about using real names. On this site (with the exception of some), I have nicknames for most everyone. You guys have come to know the love of my life as “The Boss,” my in-laws as “MIL” and “FIL” my cousin’s kids as “Little BFF,” “Punk Brother,” “Little Punk” and “Ladda.” But when moving from the medium of daily sharing in a blog space to writing a memoir names feel extremely essential to a story. A real name means an identity and being able to identify something with someone is what makes writing feel intimate.

I’ve added 7 pages to my first draft since my last manuscript update and I find myself hesitating every time I want to introduce a new character and mention another name. A lot of writers use pseudonyms for characters in their stories and tweak specific situations for obvious reasons and naturally, basic ethics dictate that readers must be made aware of these little changes; I’m fine with that. But when I think about my personal experience when reading non-fiction I feel such a huge let down when I learn that the character I came to know and love (or hate) as Jack isn’t actually named Jack. And then I feel let down. I just spent 220 pages imagining what Jack’s apartment looked like, the strut in his step as he walks his dog, and even the color of his shirt only to curiously flip to the front few pages of the book (the pages that no one ever reads) where I find a size 3 font whispering to me that Jack’s name has been changed.

DAMMIT JACK AND YOUR STUPID PRIVACY ISSUES!

The Boss is a major advocate of me using real names in this story. And he’s felt this way for a very long time. I really do respect other people’s privacy, but in some cases real names just sort of come out — like, there is no substitute for that person in that moment in that part of my life. On the other hand, I feel that something as simple as changing a name really doesn’t change my story. I could change the person Charlotte to the character “Caroline;” Charlotte will still know the story is about her and may even be upset for being written about, but by changing her name to Caroline I’ve given her the opportunity to guard her privacy to some degree.

Because what I’m trying to write is a memoir this story is about me and my experiences. And that sort of one-sidedness in writing almost makes the use of pseudonyms a no-brainer — it’s only right to change names because memoirs give platform to your voice and mute the voices of others. But I think that’s part of what makes reading personal stories so interesting. I don’t care what Lorne Michaels was thinking when he met Tina Fey for the first time. I want to hear from her perspective. I want to know that she was painfully nervous and almost pooped her pants (not a direct quote), because that perspective is the one that makes the reader feel connected.

Of course there are some people who you guys have already read about on my site and in my tweets so there’s no chance that I’ll be changing their names. What I’m saying is I’m not going to call my sister Uzma “Zainab” because she wants me to protect her privacy. She should have thought about that before she told her friends in high school that my mom and dad found me on the doorstep like Alf.

REVENGE IS SWEET, SISTER!

Comments

12 Responses to “Writing my manuscript: on naming names”

SippingChai on February 15th, 2012 6:18 pm

I had a pretty crazy life growing up and I thought it would make a great book. I seriously considered writing it…but I just don’t have the courage to even use pseudonyms. I just imagined how it may affect the people I love and decided against it. Good luck in figuring this out. It is a tough decision.
Em on February 16th, 2012 5:36 am

Your fights with your sister are fascinating. Actually they are cute. Reminds me of how much I fight with my sister
Bob Greiner on February 16th, 2012 5:57 am

My fuzzy memory of what it says in “The Art of Fiction” is that names aren’t the key changes — it’s other kinds of details like what they do for a living, physical description, anything about their relationship to you or to others that isn’t germane to the narrative. Of course this is in addition to the name.

The book also said that the great burden of any writer, whether composing memoirs or not, is that your friends and family will recognize themselves in your work, no matter how hard you try to camouflage them, and sometimes will see themselves in characters that you are pretty sure aren’t based on them at all. About all you can really do is avoid giving people cause for litigation … but hurt feelings are probably inevitable.
Jen on February 16th, 2012 12:13 pm

Names or no names, people will probably figure it out either way.

I feel it’s one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t situations…:P
mida-chan on February 16th, 2012 1:27 pm

You should do what Tina Fey did for her memoir, instead of real names. And they were hilarious the stuuf she came up qith were creative and not to direct. It was fake names that suited them best. Nothing like ”honest”, something like Glitter bomb(known to love glitter) or mikeJagger(if she is good dancer). Since your memoir, resembles alot your journey chapter, you’ll be going through a lot of people that have come and gone in your life, you can choose nick names that resemble how you remember them. and for those who are consistent in life give them real names. If youre talking an old team mate from your lacrosse days, who was cheerful and that’s the way you remember her then call her sunshine.
farah on February 18th, 2012 8:12 pm

Hmm. This is hard. I kept going back and forth.

Yes because its a real story and so you should use real names, Yes because how are these people ever going to know how you really felt about them, Yes because a name is how people are recognized and hiding it would rather be improper.

No, what if it hurts, embarrasses, or insults someone? No, what if readers start judging these people – they will after all only be learning from your perspective. No, because it does affect their privacy, what if they never wanted this incident to be shared. No, because to your readers it wont matter because we will never know which one is the real name or not but what will be super cute is when you tell those people about your book and then tell them which nickname is theirs it’ll be NICE and rather FUN to find that throughout the book and read those parts. get it?

SOOO I think my answer is: use fake names.
Slice of Lemon on February 20th, 2012 12:31 pm

Thanks, Farah. I’m still trying to figure out the best way to go about it!
Slice of Lemon on February 20th, 2012 12:32 pm

@Mida-chan Great idea! Definitely something to think about!
Slice of Lemon on February 20th, 2012 12:32 pm

Jen, funny how so many decisions turn out to be that way!
Slice of Lemon on February 20th, 2012 12:34 pm

Thanks for your input, Bob. All great points. I plan on reading “The Art of Fiction” after your mention.
Akbar Masood on February 23rd, 2012 2:04 am

Please call me “Bob” if you mention me!
Slice of Lemon on February 23rd, 2012 6:35 am

@Akbar Masood, Haha, wii do! Though I think “Cousin Bob?” has a nicer ring to it!