Lladro figures stir emotions while reminiscing

Posted on January 25, 2012
Filed Under Ask Sabrina, Daily | 2 Comments

Dear Sabrina,

Recently, a group of my friends got together for dinner. We haven’t seen each other in some time because of school, and new spouses and children, so when we get together we do a lot of reminiscing on “old times.” Somehow, we got talking about how all of our parents used to collect Lladro porcelain figures and we were joking about how we all had random animal and human figures around our homes. Suddenly, one of the girls in our group got up and stormed off. Later I pulled her aside and asked if she was okay. She basically said that she was getting really ticked off that all of us were talking about these expensive trinkets flippantly that her family never had. I didn’t know how to handle the situation, but I’ll admit that I was a little annoyed by her reaction. Over the last few years, she’s had a lot of these types of moments where she gets into a bad mood and no one really knows how to act around her and it’s really uncomfortable for all of us. Basically us girls only get together once a year and she ruins the fun with her attitude. I don’t think any of us meant to talk about our childhoods in an irreverent fashion, but I’m also tired of trying to cheer my friend up for things that seem insignificant. I guess my question is, why did my friend get mad over stupid porcelain figures? What can I say to her the next time she gets into one of her moods?

Sincerely,

Trying to be a good friend

***

Dear Trying,

It may not be the Lladro figures that made her upset, but talk of them may have acted as a trigger for your friend – bringing back memories of not feeling good enough as a child. Maybe she always felt that her family didn’t fit into the larger dynamic of your community because of their “lack of” material wealth as she saw it; sadly, money can have that effect on people. In recent years I’ve seen and heard of many tweens and teens that are included in adult financial discussions and even asked to help pitch into a family pot. If this was the case in your friend’s life, she may bear some resentment toward her particular situation, or she may just be moody like you said. In any scenario, if you want to maintain a relationship with her you should remain sensitive toward her feelings, but give her something to think about. You can say something like, “All of us girls only get to see each other once a year, so let’s make the best of it.” If this approach doesn’t work then allow her the time she needs to herself. When she’s ready to re-join the group she will. And eventually she’ll learn that she has to make a choice: enjoy the company of old friends or find a corner in which to mope.

Good luck,
Sabrina

Comments

2 Responses to “Lladro figures stir emotions while reminiscing”

miriam on February 12th, 2012 12:32 pm

Hello, I was unable to post this, would you please post it for the questioner to read? :

I imagine she perceived this happy reminiscing amongst her other friends as threatening and ostracizing for her. I could understand her feeling of isolation and hurt, especially if she still has some unresolved insecurities concerning her childhood. Perhaps she has not yet been able to let go of these insecurities, and it doesn’t help that they furthermore allow her an excuse to suck up attention when she is hurt, apparently quite frequently, and performs this “pity-me” performance. I would suggest you give her space and avoid being overly sympathetic as it will only enable the strong grasp she holds on her insecurities. Furthermore I would suggest stating something simple such as “I can see you were hurt by________, I hope you can join us again when you’re feeling better”
And leave it at that. She will very quickly be left to choose between enjoying time with her friends and communing with her self-perpetuated misery.
miriam on February 12th, 2012 12:33 pm

sorry i meant to post this w/o the prelude that was intended in my email for sabrina..