W. is for wake the hell up!
Posted on May 27, 2010
Filed Under Daily, Life in L.A., The Boss | 17 Comments
Have I ever told you guys that The Boss is a My Little Heavy Sleeper?
Oh yush he is.
Oh yush you are you Wittle Heavy Sheeper.
You Guys, Heavy Sleeper (which is how I’ll be referring to The Boss in today’s post) is one of the Top 3 heaviest sleepers in the world. The other two spots go to my sister, Uzma, and my college roommate, Jen. Never in my life have I met people who could fall into sleep so deep, and so quickly, you’re left hovering by their bedside holding a phone with your thumb on the red 9 JUST IN CASE. It’s miraculous, frighting, and sometimes, jealousy-inducing, especially because I can be woken up from the most peaceful sleep by the sound of bunny footsteps four blocks away.
Once, while living with Jen, I realized I didn’t have my key-card that opened our door, and when I returned to our room at some atrocious time of night, after being in some atrocious place for an atrocious amount of time, which I won’t detail here because my parents do the read-and-call with my blog where they READ THEN CALL to talk about what I published the day before.
You guys, my mom has had it up to HERE with my fart jokes.
So I was forced to knock on the door when I got back to the room since I was locked out. Wait, did I say knock? I meant BANG UNTIL MY KNUCKLES WERE BLUE hoping Jen would wake up. When she opened the door, naturally, I felt bad for waking her (even though that was the point of banging) and just as I started to say, “Thanks for opening the door, I’m really sorry I wo…” I turned around and saw that she was already back in bed, and fast asleep.
It still amazes me all these years later.
When The Boss and I got married, I realized that I had another heavy sleeper on my hands, though in the beginning, I chalked it up to the fact that we’d been traveling, and unpacking, and had been in constant Go-Mode for a few months. But once we settled into our new life together, it became apparent that I married a different variety of Heavy Sleeper — the kind that could sleep at will, anywhere, at any time, standing if he had to. The Boss got in bed one Saturday afternoon, and asked me to wake him 30 minutes later. It was 4:05 p.m., which meant I’d wake him up at 4:35 p.m., exactly 30 minutes later like I had been asked. What felt like a few moments later, I wanted to show him something before his nap started so I went, “Hey!” and he woke up with such a startle, he startled me.
“Did that really scare you?” I asked. “All I said was ‘hey’.”
“Come on, Man,” he grunted. “I was sleeping.”
You guys, it was 4:07 p.m. It’s not humanely possible to fall asleep so quickly.
Some of you might already know that The Boss used to work in medical research (that’s what his degree is in) and it’s a field he is extraordinarily passionate about, so I barely get away with poking harmless fun at medical conditions without him hitting nuclear fallout. Once, while joking about his ability to sleep at will, I might have suggested that he had narcolepsy.
“THAT’S A REAL DISORDER, SABRINA!” he yelled. “There are people who…”
Dammit, where’s my medallion? SLEEP, CHILD!
The other night, I was working on a project, which carried well into the evening. After Heavy Sleeper and I ate dinner, he got in bed, and because I had a deadline to meet, I got back on the computer, and finished up around 1 a.m. As I climbed into bed, he turned his head toward me, smiled, and goes, “What’s El Monte?” I didn’t realize he was awake, so I go, “I don’t know. Is it a car?” and he goes, “No! It’s a place! and it’s where we live!” and I was like, “Uh, no, we live in L.A….wait a minute, are you talking in your sleep?”
You guys, he was totally talking in his sleep, and it was kind of cute, so I put my hand on his chest, and as I leaned forward to kiss his head, he goes, “MMMGGRRR IT IS!” and smacked me in the shoulder! So I was all, “NO, YOU!” (which corresponded with no part of our conversation) and punched him in the chest (because I’m mature like that). And guess what? He didn’t even flinch. I HIT HIM IN THE CHEST AND HE STILL DIDN’T WAKE UP.
That Wittle Heavy Sheeper.
I guess living with heavy sleepers has benefited me over the course of my life. Uzma has no idea how many times I just walked into her room while she was sleeping and took crap from her room — clothes, makeup, whatever. The bright light of my computer screen, and the tap-tapping of my fingers on the keyboard frantically trying to finish assignments that were due in 12 hours never seemed to distract Jen, and now I know that I can have a one-woman dance party anytime of night because The Boss sleeps in a dimension unknown to man.
If I had to give out a gold, silver and bronze medal to these heavy sleepers in my life, I don’t even know how I’d pick a winner. Maybe I’ll just let them sort it out amongst themselves. Barring they can stay awake long enough to do it.
Comments
17 Responses to “W. is for wake the hell up!”
Leave a Reply
I rocked these bangs for my 4th grade yearbook photo. (Read more about my younger years)
I met Rihanna while working as a reporter. So fun!
Sabrina on YouTube: Athletica sports hijab and dance dares!
On Newlyweds-Dish: Happy Mother's Day!
On Newlyweds-Dish: Happy Mother's Day!
“Man in the early times was almost naked, and as his intellect evolved he started wearing clothes. What I am today and what I’m wearing represents the highest level of thought and civilization that man has achieved, and is not regressive. It’s the removal of clothes again that is regressive back to ancient times” - Nobel laureate, Tawakul Karman, in response to journalists who said her hijab was not proportionate with her level of intellect and education.
Want to know the truth about Shari'ah and how this Islamic law effects the U.S. Constitution? Watch the videos below.
Want to know the truth about Shari'ah and how this Islamic law effects the U.S. Constitution? Watch the videos below.
LOL!! Sabs that’s too funny, my fiance is the same way! He was in the navy and any branch of the military will teach you to sleep ANY WHERE! We go to bed and before I can get my pillow comfy he’s snoring!! Girl, I feel you pain! Hope you’re doing well!
-Mysba
Sabrina and Mysba, same here, I’m still sorting myself out and he’s knocked out and dreaming within seconds..He also sleeps any place, anywhere, anytime! Men!
you could have had a marching band go thru our room and i would have never known.
hey, i meant to ask you, where DID that piccolo come from?
I watch my husband sleeping with his cellphone on his chest with the alarm tone blaring and he would still be snoring like a truck.
The question of how he manages to fall asleep in less than 60 seconds, is one I ask all the time.
My boyfriend was kind of quietly screaming in his sleep last week…so yeah, obviously I assumed he was having a terrible dream and kindly woke him up. He got all mad and said he was dreaming about the LOST season finale (this was before it aired)and I ruined it because they were just about to set a bomb off and it was really exciting. I promised him I would never wake him up when he’s screaming in his sleep again.
Hey, I don’t want to be a jerk, but… that MIGHT actually be narcolepsy. One of my friends in middle school had it, and she would fall asleep during class (just put her head down and be out in, like, ten seconds), and she would say the WEIRDEST things.
We were laughing about it one day when she was staying over at my house (she woke up in the middle of the night saying “Yucky bug! Yucky bug! Aren’t those posters scary?”), and Dad The Neurologist was like, “Wow. Narcolepsy.” She was started on medication a week later.
Mind you, as long as Heavy Sleeper doesn’t fall asleep at work or at the wheel, it’s probs not narcolepsy. But the sleep talking… THAT’S A REAL, SABRINA.
Loool this post was tooo funny!
BTW, does anyone laugh in their sleep like me? I wake up as soon as i’ve done it though!
I’m a heavy sleeper too!I actually slept through a STORM last night in England LOL my mum was all ‘how could that have not woken you up? there was horrendous thunder all the way through!’ LMAO
Though the sister i share a room with is a VERY LIGHT SLEEPER and that’s an understatement.
That was a very funny post, keep them coming
Huh, I could have sworn that I typed “CONDITION.”
After the birth of my first child I feel asleep while getting an MRI on my foot (if you’ve never had one, it sounds like a bomb raid alarm, except its louder), and fell asleep mid-sentence during the first year of my second child…all I’m saying is, maybe he’s just tired?
I actually had problems getting sleepy after I got married, did you have that to??
I once talked in my sleep to.. I was just falling asleep and started shouting: GO RIGHT, RIGHT! and my boss looked at me like: HUH!! whats wrong with you??? the most shamefull part is that I heard myself shouting… :S and woke up because of myself :S
hahahaha. what was his reaction to this?
I wish I could do that (fall asleep at will, not sleeptalk). It’s way better than staring at your digital display and developing an intimate understanding of relativity…
(‘ONE MINUTE? It feels like ONE YEAR, God PLEASE LET ME SLEEP BEFORE I DIE’ Etc.)
oh i get so jealous with such people who can sleep any where and where ever.i wish i had that.
After 5 hours of studying this funny post completely refreshed my overworked brain. Thank you =)
hahahahaha that was soooo funny! I talk in my sleep too and my husband gets scared because he thinks im talking to him, but im really not….
*once in my sleep i shook him and APPARENTLY said: “sarah, do u remember me?” LOL oh man. it was hilarious when he told me that
I belong to a family where the phenomenon of sleeping at once one sees a pillow is very spread, but if I speak of myself and my baby brother then please consider me and him your sister/brother-in-law because apparantly brother BOSS and we may share the same sleeping patterns. So I completely understand brother BOSS
Peace