The Worst Matchmaker in the History of Ever
Posted on March 11, 2010
Filed Under Daily, Family | 14 Comments
So the other day, I was in the living room at my mom’s house taking a picture of something for the Daily Style section of this site, when my mom was all, “Aw! You remember that! It’s so pretty!” and I was like yeah, “[MIL] gave it to me” and she was all, “No she didn’t” and I was like, “Mmm. Pretty sure she did” and my mom goes, “No, my cousin gave it to you. Remember the one who wanted you to marry her grandson?” and I was all, “What? I do not remember that.”
You Guys, I remember now.
Let me tell you what happened.
Like, six years ago, this elderly lady (my mom’s cousin, or “cousin” — who knows in Indian culture) came to visit my mom. I was home from college for a weekend, and briefly met this relative of my mom’s. We chatted for a little bit, and at some point I probably got her a glass of water, and next thing you know she goes up to my mom, and is like, “Oooohhhh, I want Sabrina to marry my grandson!” to which my mom responded, “Aww. Well, she’s not really interested in getting married right now,” but the lady was all persistent like, “Please just talk to her,” so my mom pulled me into the kitchen later that weekend, and was like, “Sabrina, do you want to marry a boy who lives in Canada who’s my cousin’s son?” and I was like, “No thanks,” and that was the end of that.
Besides, by that time, The Boss and I were total besties, and he had already started to decorate my world with his spectacularness. He taught me so much during our friendship that I used him as the new Man Standard in my life. And then, in an unexpected turn of events, which only repeatedly proves that God’s planning always best, I married The Standard Setter himself, three years later.
Life is always full of beautiful surprises.
So my mom and I are remembering this story, and she’s like, “Yeah she really liked you for her grandson,” and I’m like, “She doesn’t even know me!” and my mom goes, “Yeah, but she knows me,” and I’m all, “So?” and she’s like, “Sometimes that’s all that matters. A person knows and trusts the parents, so they feel like their kids will be good people, too” and I was all, “That is a crazed and backwards thought process! That poor boy in Canada! I could be a LUNATIC for all he knows!” and my mom looked at me all, COULD BE? and I’m like, “THAT’S exactly what I’m talking about.”
You Guys! That mentality is all, Divorce rates for $2,000 Alex…
Question: Why do people’s marriages fall apart?
BRM! BRM!
Sabrina.
What is…marrying someone because you like their mom?
Correct, for $2,000!
I would never marry someone based on someone else. That’s like looking at a skinny girl and buying a size 2, when you know that you’re a size 8. It doesn’t make any sense. I’m not against arranged marriages because when done properly, they’re like blind dates. It’s like an “arranged to meet” kind of thing. If the couple doesn’t click, they go their separate ways, but if they do, they meet again, share ideas, family stories, life goals, and next thing you know they’re married, and living together happily ever after. It’s like a fairy tale, except not because no one’s skin is really that good, nor is their jaw line that sharp, and you’d have to have ribs removed to have a waist that little.
But I digress…
So my mom and I are talking, and I’m like, “That lady is such a bad grandma!” and my mom is all, “Don’t say that, she’s my cousin!” and I’m like, “Well, I’m sorry, but your cousin is a bad grandma. You can’t just marry your grandson off to a complete stranger! That is MAN OPPRESSION!” And then my mom was all, “Sabrina, don’t be so dramatic. She just thought you were a nice girl. Her grandson may not even have liked you anyway,” and I’m like, “EXACTLY MY POINT!”
You Guys! Mimmi would NEVER have done that to me! Why? Oh, no reason…other than SHE WAS AWESOME. But you know who would do that? A BAD GRANDMA.
Oh my God. Who would repeatedly call a sweet elderly lady who just wants her grandson to be happy a ‘Bad Grandma?’
A LUNATIC, THAT’S WHO!
When my mom told her cousin that I wasn’t looking to get married, the lady still gifted me with these beautiful decorative prayer beads, which is what I was taking pictures of the other day before my mom forced my hand, and made me start name calling the elderly. I absolutely love these beads, but looking back now, I’m wondering if this was Bad Grandma’s last ditch attempt to get me to meet her grandson.
I’ll give you these pimped out prayer beads if you marry my grandbaby…
You can’t bribe a person into marrying someone.
That’s offensive.
Besides, it’s not even like she offered me chocolate cake.
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14 Responses to “The Worst Matchmaker in the History of Ever”
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This kinda reminds me of this woman who STILL wants me to go on a date with her grandson. I’ve told her that I’m MARRIED (ten times at least) and been in a relationship with the same guy for 9 YEARS and that we’re VERY happy.
Apparently, she thinks it’s DESTINY because her grandson and I both work in the newspaper industry. Insanity!
Lol @Jen’s comment.
Although your case isn’t too weird, there are some wacky ladies out there. One time this lady came up to me at some Islamic lecture, and was like, “You know my son’s a pilot…can I please speak to your mom?”
I was only 18, and she wouldn’t take no for an answer.
I kid you not.
Yes those grandmas and aunties just don’t give up!
‘I’ll give you these pimped out prayer beads if you marry my grandbaby…’
hahahhah best line!
Hey Salam Sabrina!
I love your blog, and I think you are so hilarious! But I have a question for you: How do you know you found “The One?” You keep mentioning how great your husband is, but how do you know that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Thanks!
WS Anonymous. With my specific case, and everyone is different, TB and I really clicked on a spiritual level. We had the same religious goals and sense of humor, and that was about 95 percent of what I was looking for. I think when the right person comes along, you just know. There’s no waiting, no excuses, no hesitation. You talk to the people you love and trust for advice, ask the potential suitor questions based on your values, meet eachother’s families, do salah-tul-istikhara (for those who are Muslims) and you go from there. But most importantly, trust in God because He knows what’s best:)
@ anon. I met and married my husband of 4 years in 5 days of meeting. Before meeting him I had “interviewed” a couple of other Muslim guys and although they were great (one was a crazy stalker/killer dude) I didn’t click with them. When I met my husband for the purposes of marriage we clicked immediately and if a mosque had been open by the time we finished talking I would have married him that very night.
I questioned him about almost every crazy possibilities (armageddon not excluded) and he was like an even more awesome male version of me. I think we all know when we meet “THE WRONG ONE” except we talk ourselves or let others talk us from our gut feeling. I also prayed Istikhara BEFORE i went to the meeting and afterward too. I don’t suggest people do it my way but it worked for me. We are currently expecting our second baby in September, inshaAllah.
oh and about the aunties and grandmas…I still get proposals even when i was CLEARLY pregnant with my first or after they have seen me holding hands with my husband.
Their rationale? You look like you are a great wife. Would you like to meet my son?
kid you not people. kid you not.
Really! those aunties and grandma’s really can make you laugh.. I havent had any proposals after marriage, but people think that I am my MIL daughter instead of DIL. So they really look surprised when they find out that I am the DIL.
Thank you Slice of Lemon and Tuttie for your advice!
You guys are so right,and inshallah, I am going to be praying, and asking Allah’s help in this matter too, because He is the one who knows what’s right for everyone.
I am so glad that you two have found that person you are happy with it
I wish you two all the best, inshallah!
Lolz @ Tuttie. We had similar experience when I was visiting in-laws in Turkey without hubby and in a wedding, extended relatives and people who were not yet introduced to me were asking my in-laws “is she single? She looks like a good match for our son.”
My in-laws were all like “aaaahhhhh…she’s married to your nephew!” lmao
Well a friend of mine got married by proxy over the phone with her husband (and his translator!!) of whom she never met and who was in another country! The contract was all in the Masjid and everyone was there except the groom and his family! There was a telephone and the contract was signed that way! lol The groom said he’d come to collect his wife as soon as he could which was 6 weeks later! No kidding!!!! Her father and the grooms uncle arranged everything and she’s still happily married 3 years later! All of her aunties were right!
I just cant imagine I would get married over the phone?!
LOL. I will give you the guys side of this. We are felt as a commodity on the Stock market. What is one’s value? IS the trend going up/down. What can he do for our daughter/granddaughter?
Case in point- Before I met my wife Aisha, I had gone to a wedding. The guys were separated from the gals.
I had to see my mother before I left the reception so I went to the women’s side. All I remember was mothers and grandmothers and other women (didn’t know anyone of them) asking me if I was single, what I do for a living, where do I live, and who is my mother? And pull women over to me to introduce them to me-I felt like a slab of meat in form of a pack of hungry animals. Stories that are funny now to tell my kids…..