Why We Don’t Have Kids: They Are Not Hands-Free

Posted on February 23, 2010
Filed Under Daily, Life in L.A., The Boss | 3 Comments

Since the beginning of this year, I’ve made a conscious effort to limit my purse carrying, though at times it seems impossible to do. The Boss leaves the house with his cell phone, wallet, and car keys tucked into his pockets, but my clothes are smaller than his (and sometimes I don’t have pockets) making this goal of mine often seem unattainable. Since informing The Boss about my decision to go hands-free in Twenty Ten, he’s always encouraging me to leave my handbag at home, and he helps me consolidate the things I’ll need before leaving the house to ensure a hands-free day.

Over the weekend, The Boss and I went to West Hollywood, and before we left the house I asked him if I should take my purse. He told me to leave it behind, reassuring me that he had money, I didn’t need my driver’s license, and he’d hold the camera and my cell phone because I was in a dress sans pockets. I ended up carrying my notebook, which wasn’t really hands-free, but we were off to a pretty good start. Even though the whole hands-free thing was my idea, I was still all, Are you sure? like eight more times before we left the house. I just needed validation, and also maybe someone to blame later in case going hands-free backfired, you know, like, THIS IS YOUR FAULT. YOU SAID YOU WERE SURE!

As we were about to leave the house I go, “What about my chapstick, WHAT ABOUT THE PURELL!” and The Boss goes, “You don’t need your chapstick, and you’re not going to get dirty” and I was like, “THE WORLD IS DIRTY!”  and then I smothered three coats of Lip Smackers all over my mouth, and left the stick on the table.

We ended up eating lunch at one of our favorite pizza spots on Melrose, and sometime during our meal, I saw The Boss fidgeting with his shorts, so I go, “What’s wrong?” and he’s like, “I spilled pizza sauce on myself, and I was going to ask you for your Tide pen, but…” and I’m like,  “Oh, you want my Tide pen? Sure, here is is. RIGHT NEXT TO MY CHAPSTICK AND THE PURELL.”

And by the way…

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. YOU SAID YOU WERE SURE!“

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