No One Knows Anything
Posted on December 23, 2009
Filed Under Daily, Life in L.A. | 12 Comments
This is a short summary of some real advice I’ve gotten/heard/read since re-entering the job hunt this summer from online discussions with HR experts, articles from newspapers and magazines, staffing agency recruiters, talk radio, morning news shows, talk shows, and pretty much every online job source/forum/Q&A known to human kind. Yet somehow, I’M MORE CONFUSED NOW THAN I WAS FIVE MONTHS AGO.
- Men and Women: Do NOT cross your legs in an interview, it shows laziness, and self-doubt.
- Men and Women: DO cross your legs during an interview to look poised, and show that you’re comfortable.
- An employer should never have to turn your resume over. That means, one page only.
- Your resume should rarely ever be one page. Showcase all your experience even if that means four pages.
- Your cover letter should be a strong introduction to your resume. Make it count.
- You probably don’t really need a cover letter. Most employers won’t read them anyway.
- When asked about your flaws during an interview, name a few, and include how you’ve worked on ways to improve yourself.
- When asked about your flaws during an interview, do not voluntarily talk about how you’ve improved on them. That means they’re not flaws anymore, and you need pick different ones.
- Always tell employers that you can work well independently, which shows that you’re a self starter, but be sure to include that you work well with others so the employer knows you’re also a team player.
(So, which one is it? Am I a loner, or the life of the party?)
- Eliminate job experience from your resume that is not directly related to the position you’re applying for. Employers don’t care if you were the manager of Foot Locker in college.
- Include all jobs and internships on your resume even if they’re not related to the position you’re applying for. Employers want to know if you’ve managed a group, even if was a small group, say, when you worked retail while in college.
- When applying for a job that requires less experience than you have, water down your resume so you don’t look over-qualified for the position.
- Never trivialize your education or experience even when applying for a job, which you know you’re over-qualified for. Employers should know what you’re capable of so they can call on you for other projects and assignments even if they’re not directly related to the position you were hired for.
Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I must have missed the sign that said: Welcome to Jobville where in order to reach your destination, you need to drive through CONTRADICTION VALLEY. Please note that it takes most people about SIX MONTHS to make it all the way through as it’s been raining THE ECONOMY SUCKS for the past five years. If you’d like an umbrella to shield yourself from THE HOME FORECLOSURES FALLING FROM THE SKY, we’re sorry to inform you that we won’t be able to provide umbrellas, or helmets BECAUSE HEALTH CARE ISN’T FREE. If at any time you feel the urge to WANT TO KILL YOURSELF please use this phone to call and talk to someone who IS ALWAYS ON LUNCH AND NEVER RETURNS YOUR CALLS OR E-MAILS AND THEN KEEPS REFERRING YOU BACK TO THE COMPANY WEB SITE. Thanks again for driving through Contradiction Valley where you will SWEAT PROFUSELY every step of the way, and then return home to find that you are STILL UNEMPLOYED.
Comments
12 Responses to “No One Knows Anything”
Leave a Reply
Goes back to it’s not what you know but who.
And apparently I don’t know the right people either.
I hate job hunting. A lot. And Jen is completely right, it does have a lot to do with what connections you have to get you in.
This is so true! and so incredibly annoying. blah. hope you get through it!!!!
I’ve spent the past year hearing this:
‘Sorry, you’re over qualified but under experienced’
- I now pretend that they said:
‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you’
‘It’s not you, it’s me’
‘I just don’t feel like we’re in the same place’
‘We can still be friends!’
‘I know that if I continue seeing you that I will want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I’m not ready for that, so I don’t want to see you anymore’
errr….not sure where the last one came from, ahem.
Your list is right on! And that’s why I’m self-employed. It’s really the same thing as unemployed, but it sounds AND feels better. You should try it!
Happy Holidays!
Haha yeah that’s the sucky part about finding employment – not that there’s any good parts anyway. I guess you sort of have to choose which one seems better/makes more sense to you between the contradictory ones.
Good luck!
LOL.
Ahhh, thank god I’m still in highschool.
But g’luck tho, really!
You sound frustrated!
This is why I started a parttime job as a controller while doing university.. so after graduation when I start hunting for a fulltime job I will have enough experience. Besides that it teached me how to be independent, self-sufficient and responsible.
hahahha Jobville has really sucky weather
Salaams sis,
Here in canada it’s all about nepotism (i.e. who you know) and headhunters (i.e. job agencies). I’ll make du’ah for you insha Allah.
*sigh* *shakes head sadly*
lol hang in there I’m sure you’ll find something..
when I first moved from abroad to the US to Silicon Valley CA I was soo worried I wouldnt find anything,what with living in a place that had Stanford and a zillion top IT companies
I applied for a job as a tutor in this place called SCORE which was a tuition center and was soo depressed cuz I got rejected(I kept telling the kids how boring their work was lol they said I wasnt really one to motivate )
but I applied for a job at INTEL which is a software giant,at 21 with no job experience and new in the country,I landed the job with NO CONTACTS PEOPLE….and Alhamullilah worked there for a year and half,I won an award ….I had to leave cuz my husband found a job here in MI…..there is something out there,keep looking and be patient,your gonna make it very big someday inshAllah