I Made Farting Sounds While I Wrote This Post
Posted on December 10, 2009
Filed Under Daily, Little Sabreen, The Boss | 28 Comments
When I was little (yes, I am talking about ME on MY WEB SITE again) my neighbor and I used to spend lots of time making prank phone calls. Because even back then, I liked to waste whatever talent I had acquired by age 9 to do things like prank call 9-1-1.
The ’90s, if you recall, were a time of great discovery and invention– caller ID, call waiting, The Internet, Slip ‘n Slide, Pocket Rocker. It was a really great decade to grow up in. We had layered socks, stirrup pants, big bangs, and slap bracelets. But the MOTHER of all greatness showed itself when my elementary school published its first phone book.
I remember our teacher handing them to our class at the end of the day. I ran my hands across the freshly copied and cut cover. It was yellow with the face of a fox (our school mascot) on the front. It had a black, wide-spiral bind, and as I tucked it into my backpack, the wheels started turning. THIS WAS HUGE. Having access to a list of phone numbers that included THE ENTIRE STUDENT BODY, INCLUDING FACULTY was like having the ability to become invisible, or fly. Putting that kind of power in my tiny little hands was like telling Dick Cheney that he’s going to be our next president.
It’s just not a good idea.
We got the phone books on Friday, so after I got home, and ate dinner, I called my next door neighbor Sandy over to play. Sandy was essentially my first friend on this earth since our parents lived next door to each other even before my older sister was born. We’d been in all the same classes since first grade, and when she got to my house, we locked ourselves in my parents’ room, and experienced prank calling like no fourth grader had ever before known. We made dozens of phone calls that night. We pretended to be boys calling girls who liked them, we called students’ parents pretending to be teachers, and I think we might even have called some of my sister’s friends just to mix things up.
Once we made it through the entire fourth grade (and a few of Uzma’s friends) we flipped to the faculty section and found the listing for our teacher, Mrs. Shaffer.
Mrs. Shaffer was the teacher that every rising fourth grader wanted. She was young, tall and blonde, and always wore the coolest clothes. She had two daughters who were much younger than I was, and she was a wonderful teacher.
But wonderful or not, no one was going to be spared tonight. WE HAD A SCHOOL DIRECTORY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, and just when you thought calling my sister’s friends was an all-time low, Sandy and I proved that we could in fact, SINK LOWER.
We made about six phone calls to her house, laughing, coughing, and making funny noises each time she picked up. Sometimes she would hang up first, sometimes we would. At one point she said, “Okay, this isn’t funny anymore,” and I nearly wet my pants from laughter so explosive I actually feared for my life.
Seriously. Who knew you could laugh so hard you thought you might die?
After we composed ourselves, and realized Sandy would have to go home soon (her mom already called twice) we decided to end on a high note. We mustered up a lot of courage to call Mrs. Shaffer, but that was only the beginning. Sandy and I were about to go all Braveheart up in my parents’ bedroom before the movie even came out. We flipped a few pages, and BAM, there it was: Mr. Nelson, the principal.
Our school principal was a really nice guy. He was always walking the halls, and it felt like he knew everyone by name. He was the “pal” in the word when you learn how to spell it, and his son David was in our class.
It was my turn to make the call so I picked up, and dialed.
“Hello?”
“shmdfjefijuestu…BAHAHA”
CLICK.
My neighbor and I started laughing hysterically, and then decided to do it again.
The phone rang, and I tried to hold in my laughter.
“Hello?”
“djdiehenvb…”
“Sabrina, I know that’s you.”
Oh crap, it was David!
“We have caller ID so you should really stop prank calling us before I tell my dad.”
I quickly hung up the phone.
“THEY HAVE CALLER ID!!!!” I shouted to Sandy. Her face went pale.
I was a deer caught in headlights, the fly that just felt the frog’s wet tongue on my butt, the little white bunny that stumbles as the hawk swoops in. This was not supposed to happen — it was like watching Mel Gibson die in the first 15 minutes of the movie.
We didn’t know what to do. How do you UNDO a prank call?
Sandy and I laid low for the rest of the weekend, hoping things would blow over and David wouldn’t say anything to his dad. But just when you think things can’t get any worse, Murphy’s Law rolls into full affect, and on Monday, I nearly pooped my pants in school. As the class was settling in, and all of us took our seats, Mrs. Shaffer stood in front of the class and made an announcement.
“Over the weekend some of you thought it was funny to prank call my house,” she said. “I just want to tell all of you that I know who it was. I’m going to let it go this time, but if it happens again, I will be calling your parents.”
AHHHH. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DOES EVERYONE HAVE CALLER ID??????????
Sandy and I looked at each other, and we knew the phone books would have to be put away forever. Our prank calling days were done.
I would probably NEVER have remembered this story had it not been for the dozen or so less-than-friendly comments being posted on this site over the last few weeks. The Boss and I like to track IP addresses, and then try to guess who’s leaving us mean feedback. It’s kind of like having caller ID but this time, I’m not scared that someone’s going to call my mom — though I do expect my mom to call me sometime today, and tell me she doesn’t like the title of this post. It’s actually how The Boss and I spend most nights, and then of course in the daytime, I spend many-a-hour CRYING OUT FOR ATTENTION through this Web site. Our favorite is when people use the same computer (or computers within a five-mile radius of each other) and comment under different aliases.
It’s GENIUS.
We try to narrow the perpetrator’s location down to an exact street, and since the government is constantly spying on us has made such incredible advancements with satellite technology, if I get close enough to the computer screen, I can almost see someone flipping me off.
It’s pretty awesome.
I often get questions about moderating comments, in fact one reader recently suggested that I do it for the readers, saying, “…maybe you should consider blocking readers for the sake of those of us who don’t want to be exposed to the hate. I don’t comment often, but I’ve been following your blog for a very long time, and I feel like I can’t read in peace anymore. I used to love reading everyone’s comments because they made me laugh…I realize it’s your blog, but maybe you’d consider doing it for us?”
Tres melt-worthy. I know.
I guess the real reason I don’t want to moderate comments is because then The Boss won’t be able to guess who’s writing the mean ones anymore. Like, the most recent spiteful words came from Baltimore, Md. and The Boss was all, “I knew it! It was Uzma!” and I started laughing, and then we found another one from Silver Spring, Md., and he was all “It could be an Aunty. We can’t rule anyone out” and then I started laughing even harder, but then I was all, HOLD UP. I know people from Northern Virginia and Maryland have Driver Wars, and Uppity-Mall Wars, and Who-Has-The-Better-Gifted-High-School Wars, but DAMMIT PEOPLE, we come from neighboring states. SHOW A LITTLE METRO AREA LOVE. If you’re a transplant who just happens to live in Maryland, maybe we can’t find a common bond over the Metro, but DAMMIT AGAIN BECAUSE WE ALL CAME FROM ADAM AND TECHNICALLY THAT MEANS WE’RE ALL RELATED.
In which case, I married my brother.
Note to self: Re-word things, and then publish.
Noted.
Point is, after Mrs. Shaffer called us out, I realized that what I did, albeit funny to me, wasn’t very nice. Since then, I’ve mended my ways, and when my high school published its yearly phone book when I started the ninth grade, my friends and I never prank called a teacher again.
Only the students.
Comments
28 Responses to “I Made Farting Sounds While I Wrote This Post”
Leave a Reply
Sabrina on YouTube: Indian parathas: the easiest recipe ever
On Newlyweds-Dish: Video bloopers!
“Man in the early times was almost naked, and as his intellect evolved he started wearing clothes. What I am today and what I’m wearing represents the highest level of thought and civilization that man has achieved, and is not regressive. It’s the removal of clothes again that is regressive back to ancient times” - Nobel laureate, Tawakul Karman, in response to journalists who said her hijab was not proportionate with her level of intellect and education.
Want to know the truth about Shari'ah and how this Islamic law effects the U.S. Constitution? Watch the videos below.
On Newlyweds-Dish: Video bloopers!
“Man in the early times was almost naked, and as his intellect evolved he started wearing clothes. What I am today and what I’m wearing represents the highest level of thought and civilization that man has achieved, and is not regressive. It’s the removal of clothes again that is regressive back to ancient times” - Nobel laureate, Tawakul Karman, in response to journalists who said her hijab was not proportionate with her level of intellect and education.
Want to know the truth about Shari'ah and how this Islamic law effects the U.S. Constitution? Watch the videos below.
“Man in the early times was almost naked, and as his intellect evolved he started wearing clothes. What I am today and what I’m wearing represents the highest level of thought and civilization that man has achieved, and is not regressive. It’s the removal of clothes again that is regressive back to ancient times” - Nobel laureate, Tawakul Karman, in response to journalists who said her hijab was not proportionate with her level of intellect and education.
Want to know the truth about Shari'ah and how this Islamic law effects the U.S. Constitution? Watch the videos below.
Want to know the truth about Shari'ah and how this Islamic law effects the U.S. Constitution? Watch the videos below.
© 2008 - 2011 Slice of Lemon.com. All Rights Reserved. Hosted by Liquid Web
muahahahahahahahahaha…..I LOVE IT!
that was so hilarious! the best part was the connection to the comments on your blog, simmer down mean readers.
I feel like I am being watched.. do you secretly know me? Know my real name? I fear coming to your site now… hehehe, just joking. I would be really surprised if you know who I am.. because I live at the other side of this world
It’s a nice way to put it.
I think people should understand that no one is really anonymous. I have a blogger friend who was harassed for months by a reader and a simple search revealed the person’s name and address. My friend called this person and let them know that the Internet is not so anonymous thanks to their Internet provider, and she warned she will soon press charges under harassment or call their mama and let them know
Man, this brought back so many memories!
That caller id mess really ruined all the fun.
Seriously, it’s a wonder your parents didn’t pull out all their hair.
Haha, I remember the days of IP address tracking! Perhaps I should re-enter the blogging world just to re-live those fun times!
So,you must know by now that I read your blog almost obsessively but rarely ever leave comments (I’m lazy like that). I would like to say though, your blog is much appreciated for it’s lighthearded random-ness, your Journey’s etc. You’re open and honest and– some may call me crazy or a zombified fan for this– I think the world needs people exactly like that.
I’m sure that you’re already takien a positive spin on this. Just remember: if you have haters, you’ve made it to the Big Times.
P.S. prank calls = very funny. I never had the guts. And something I found interesting (that I didn’t know before) when the husband and I were reading about the Prophets (alaihi salaam) was that when Hawaa gave birth– she always gave birth to twins (one boy and one girl)and the twins were not allowed to marry one another, they had to get married to someone from another set. Cain (Qabil), however, wanted to marry his own twin.
Those were the days… prank calling used to be so much fun =D
best phone prank was:
me: hi im from the electric company, and i just wanted to know if your refrigerator was running?
them: yes, why?
me: THEN YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
Give me names and addresses, I’ll get some photos!
I can’t beleive I haven’t heard this story before! I must say that I’m not surprised at all…..LOL that phone book came in quite handy numerous times….Ah, the memories!!
TOTALLLLLLY HILARRRRRR
I can’t believe they would give you everyone’s phone number – the entire student body AND the faculty? That’s insane! What were they thinking?
You make a point in the most entertaining way ever. Unusual. Funny. Witty. And Kick ass!
BAM!
Kudos my friend!
I liked the first sentence.
My IP is British
LEGEND!
WOW you have time to sit at night and chek IP addresses.. well guilty as charged.. b/c I am one of those people who comment under ” aliases” (sp) hehehehe.. witness protection. i am in hiding. dont want you to really know who I am and i enjoy letting you know that I HATE YOUR BLOG AND YOUR WRITING IS WACK… But not YOU.. Dont hate you and you are definitely NOT WACK :********
MoveOn. You must be Curious and LibbyLoser! Sabrina, we cracked the case! At least she came clean! lolz. It’s W-H-A-C-K. How can you like Sabrina and hate her blog? What’s wrong with her writing? It’s witty, emotional, and HONEST, unlike you, who has to comment under aliases. I’m pretty sure Sabrina was being sarcastic when she said that she and her husband spend ~all~ their time tracking IP addresses. But you obviously weren’t born with a sense of humor. Why don’t you tell us what exactly you don’t like about this blog? Is it the colors? Maybe the name of the site? Maybe you’re a bigot, and an anti-Muslim so you come here to harass Sabrina, and the rest of us who read her blog. GET A LIFE. You and all your personalities. I agree with Organica and her friend. File a law suit against the Muslim hater.
A. Dent
Wow, MoveOn. Please don’t hesitate to say how you *really* feel. It’s unfortunate that you’ve had such a bad experience at this site, but if I may make a gentle suggestion, you could always exercise your God-given free will and chose not to visit, as there is no reason to upset yourself (or others) by stopping by a place that makes you unhappy. If you have any *productive* suggestions as to how I can improve this site (i.e. make it more user-friendly) please feel free to send me an e-mail at Sabrina [at] Slice of Lemon [dot] com. Otherwise, maybe you can find another blog that better tickles your fancy.
lol this really mde me smile
.. reminded me of this time when i was reealy bored when i was a kid and dialed 999.. they calld back and i was sooo scared i told them it was an accident.. :S
xx
love ur blog
I LOVE YOU.
End.
lol the whole world is pretty much whack. so dont stress it.
This post reminded me of many a time my best friend and I spent locked in my parents bedroom (why do we all tend to commit these crimes from the parents bedrooms?) prank calling The Kids Help Phone making up random creepy stories and then hanging up.
In retrospect, that was probably seriously or mildly upsetting to some poor volunteer… or annoying as hell. either one.
great article, didn’t however expect you to be the blank caller type (hey we were all kids once).. ever got a blank call where the number didn’t show up on caller id.. should have been morning in VA
No I am not those posters. No Case to crack. That’s silly. I just think you should be able to take PRAISE with Critcism. It was just an experiment on my part. That’s all.
Peace.
A DENT.. probaly Sabrina. A muslim hater. Who by reading blog would know Sabrina is Muslim. What does Islam have to do with blog or posters. Come on you are stretching it. Dont be upset when you come across people who dont find you or your work fabulous. ITS REAL WORLD. Amazing. People on here talking about lawsuits. WOW. Now shows maturity and mentality of……. DONE! KHALAS! FINE!
I was just reading about a new law congress passed. It seems that if you make a prank call you can get up to two years in prison. I think it is just for serious scams though, like bomb scares and things like that.
Lol o how much I miss thee = ( days of makin pranks calls ) hee ,heee, well I’m kinda embarrassed cos u might ve seein me up till 4 pm ,catching up on ur older blogs lol yes I m loving every bit of it
4*Am not pm lol