I’m pretty sure I saw Nicolas Sarkozy in a TSA uniform trying to get women to take off their clothes. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s what I saw.
Posted on July 24, 2009
Filed Under Daily | 12 Comments
Last week, as The Boss and I waited in the security line at Bradley International Airport to head back to L.A, I saw a huge machine that I had never gone through before. So I turned around to The Boss who was standing behind me taking off his shoes, and I was all, “Oh HELL NO! I am not going through The Naked Machine,” and he was like, “What’s that?” and I go, “Um, the machine that makes you naked,” and he’s like, “That’s not one of those,” and I’m like, “How do you know,” and he goes, “I just don’t think it is,” and I’m all, “Great argument D.A., you’ve won over the jury.”
So I take a step forward, toss my sandals into one of the bins, and tiptoe over to the yellow line (because I’m convinced that the airport floor will give me athletes foot) and the TSA guy smiles, and is like, “Hi, how are you?” and I’m like, “Is that The Naked Machine?” and he’s all, “No, we don’t have one of those yet.”
READERS! Do you see what’s going on here?
He didn’t say WHAT IS THAT? or even WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
He was able to answer my question without first asking me to clarify because he knew EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
So then he’s like, “We’re getting one though,” and I”m like, “That’s a total violation of privacy,” and he goes, “Well we can blur out parts so you can’t see,” and then he used his hands to reference his chest and below the belt area, and I’m like, “But what about your stomach, and back, and legs?” and he’s like, “Well, those are the parts we have to check to see if anyone is hiding anything there.”
As I took a stop forward to enter the machine, which turned out to be the one that shoots you with an air gun six times, I crossed my legs like I had to pee, and crossed my arms over my chest — you know, just in case it actually was The Naked Machine, and that guy was trying to play me for a fool.
I made it through ailve, and then all of a sudden, I felt myself wanting to punch French President Nicolas Sarkozy in the hamstring. I mean, he’s gotten on my nerves for a while, especially after his comments last month about the “burqa,” but what really made me mad was remembering watching this video that proves that the guy is a pervert. And maybe the reason that Muslim women in France want to cover their bodies, and protect their dignity, is because their president has wandering eyes, and they would rather not be drooled over by a guy who looks like Frankenstein with a spray tan.
At this point, I’m pretty convinced that Sarkozy had something to do with inventing The Naked Machines that are popping up in the U.S., and I’m also pretty sure that the reason he’s in the hospital is because the bolts in his neck got loose, and he didn’t get enough oxygen from his lungs to his pint-sized brain.
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12 Responses to “I’m pretty sure I saw Nicolas Sarkozy in a TSA uniform trying to get women to take off their clothes. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s what I saw.”
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“Frankenstein with a spray tan,” Ha ha ha ha
You’ve hit on one of my favorite topics- hating on Sarko. It would be funnier if it weren’t so gross.
Here’s hoping we never go through a Naked Machine.
Umm, is it OK for us to be rating his looks, just because he rates ours? And what about notions like backbiting? Or is all that OK because he isn’t the right religion? I’m sorry to ask this, but I think these matters would bear serious thought…
I agree with the above posting, who said it best. Not sure if discussing someone in that way is acceptable by any religious or social standard. Just a reminder for us all.
“O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, in deeds some suspicions are sins. And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah, verily, Allah is The One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful” (Qur’an 49: 12)
Ok, I haven’t even gotten to the actual post yet because the title alone had me laughing so hard, I have tears in my eyes. And I’m at work so it’s more like a stifled chuckle. That mental image is just too funny. And highly believable…
Too funny Sabrina…LOL here.
And I do not think she is rating his looks, she is just having fun at his expense which he really really deserves…so chill out.
I thought the post was hilarious! Ridiculously funny! …. Since everyones offering advice, I thought I might add, I recall hearing from scholars, that the etiquette taught by the prophet of god (peace be upon him) in advising/correcting someone is to tell them in a kind gentle manner, in privacy, rather than any public forum. Just a thought =)
I admit it’s always a dilemma whether to speak up in public if I see something happening in a public forum. Never quite sure whether I got it right no matter what I do.
hahahaha…the dude actually said they’re getting a naked machine soon? holy crap. that’s it. i’m traveling via car or train from now on. E.O.D. End of Discussion! lol… remember EOD? anyway, i just remembered that i have to get on a plane in an hour. but after today cars or trains.
i totally thought that machine was made up… *sigh* i’ll just take a train lol
Oh no, that info has been in the public domain for months now. Unless someone is spreading disinformation, it isn’t made up. Unfortunately, the train won’t work for transatlantic travel
I knew what you meant as soon as you said “The Naked Machine”. I saw one in an airport somewhere, but I can’t remember which one. Fortunately I didn’t have to go through it or I would have raised heck! I too think it’s a total invasion of privacy. I also figured the machine you saw was the puffy-air thing–which I have gone through before–if it wasn’t the The Naked Machine. I half expected the puffy-air machine to tell me I had B.O. or it liked my cologne.
I’d vaguely heard about the Naked Machine, but it wasn’t fully on my radar of “threats to my human dignity” until I read your blog.
And now I learn it’s not just a vague threat in the land of Crazy-Amreekans but it’s right here! On my island! The Naked Machine has come to an airport near me – and I felt compelled to share the horror. Look!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8303983.stm