I didn’t even get to meet Sarah Palin
Posted on July 1, 2009
Filed Under Daily, Life in L.A. | 10 Comments
So, remember how yesterday, when I was getting ready to go to my job interview, I was all, Oh, it’s only four miles away, I can’t get lost.
REMEMBER?
DO YOU REMEMBER?
Well guess what, People?
I GOT LOST.
SO LOST, IT WAS EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL.
And I found myself cursing this city.
I should have been cursing Google Maps, but I’m not sure it was their fault. And it definitely wasn’t my fault (even though I was the one behind the wheel, and I’m the one with a solid track record of getting lost everywhere I go) so I went ahead and blamed the city in which traffic lights are placed at 46-inch intervals.
My interview was at 2 p.m., and since the driving directions said it would take about 10 minutes, I left at 1:27 p.m. to ensure I had enough time to get there, JUST IN CASE I GOT LOST.
I got to my interview at 3:15 p.m.
I called the woman I was supposed to meet at about 10 ’til 2 p.m. to let her know I got a little turned around because somehow I ended up on a highway, which Californians refer to as the “freeway” which in my life translates to the WRONGWAY, and I ended up getting lost on a road called La Cienega Blvd., which I swear could have taken me to Alaska had I stayed on it long enough.
To make matters even worse, The Boss drives an automatic, and I’m so used to driving a stick, I didn’t know how anything worked. He also got his car like the week before he left for Cali, so I had never driven it until yesterday.
I got in the car and started driving, and the little thing wouldn’t pick up any speed. So I floored it, and it hardly inched past the 30 mph mark. So I’m like, What is this, a toy? And I called him, and left him message, like, “Um, I can’t figure out how to drive your car. Call me.”
He calls back, and is all, “Are you in the car?” and I’m like, “Yes, I’m in the car. And the 7-year-old girl in the Barbie Convertible just overtook me” so he’s like, “Which drive are you in?” and I’m like, “The one right next to the ‘D’” and he’s like, “Move it over one,” so I do, which apparently activated the secret Nos he was hiding in his car, blasting me through like three red lights.
So now I’m on my cell phone (apparently illegal in L.A.) just ran three red lights (pretty sure that’s illegal in most parts of the world) and since I don’t know the feel of his car, every time I try to slow down just a little, I come to a screeching halt, which I’m almost positive was not a source of happiness for the drivers behind me.
I tried to find my way home because I was all, Okay, just go back to where you started, and if you find your house, you can start again.
But that didn’t work.
I turned onto a road I thought looked familiar, only it wasn’t familiar at all because I’ve only been here for two weeks, so I called The Boss for help, and he was like,”Where are you?” and I was like, “On…uh..Can…uh..JESUS! I can’t even pronounce the names of the streets!” So I’m like, “Can..ay..chup..noota DRIVE! Do you know where I am?” and he’s like, “Okay. I don’t know where you are” and I’m all, “Then why would you start your sentence with OKAY? Because ‘okay’ implies that everything will be okay, and the only way things could be okay is if I wasn’t lost, BUT I’M STILL LOST!” So then he’s like, “Well, just take a left onto La Cienega, and you’ll have to go down a few streets, but you’ll get there eventually.”
Oh yeah? Is that right, DIRECTION GIVER?
Because that’s not what happened. I followed your directions, and I ended up in Alaska.
Without a jacket.
So I call the interview girl back who pulls up a map online, and then stays on the phone with me for 35 minutes while I drive into Beverly Hills.
I like to make a good first impression.
I eventually got there, and after it was all over, I went back to my car, and found this whopper on my windshield.
I was only nine minutes late.
But those nine minutes totally cost me.
With the job hunt under way, I’ve signed up with a temp agency at the advice of my friend Stephanie, and they already have a possible job lined up for me. There’s no guarantee I’ll get it, but I have to go into downtown L.A. to get a drug screening just in case. After what happened yesterday, I don’t know if I’m in a stable enough frame of mind to drive myself so I’m hoping I can convince The Boss to take like two hours off work so he can take me.
If he can’t do it, I plan on stabbing myself in the leg with a fork, which will force him to drive me to the hospital since it’ll be hard to drive myself while my leg is bleeding, and since the hospital is close to the drug screening place, I’ll just limp across the street after they stitch me up, and voila!
All in a day’s work.
Never mess with a genius, Direction Giver.
Never.
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10 Responses to “I didn’t even get to meet Sarah Palin”
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A’salaam Alaykium Sister
I have only found your blog two days ago, the name caught my eye. It is wonderful to laugh when someone else does the same things you do yourself. My “boss” bought me a GPS, and I still got lost.
Be Blessed
lmao!
I too suck at direction. I never travel alone, unless I know where I’m going. I hate when I get lost and call for help that’s THE worst feeling lol.
Omg. The main reason why I never get my license is coz I hardly know the way around my own country!
I really feel for you. I lived in Cali for several years (hoping to make my way back soon!) and I still had trouble with directions! It does get easier though. My sister lives in West Hills and she is always calling me while she’s lost. She finds her way out though but it’s so very frustrating. You really have to be careful because you don’t want to wander in some areas by yourself or even with other people!! You probably know this already though. I hope you meet some friends soon so perhaps they can share their knowledge of the area you’re living in. Girlfriends always make it more fun when you get lost together at times (for the fun of it to learn your way around). Tickets are given in the most unlikely places! You gotta read the signs well and sometimes you still get a ticket because you didn’t see the teeny tiny sign!!! Or it was aimed at a different spot! Sigh!! Just think, a year from now you will be the one some people call for directions or help!
You have a great spirit about it all and I truly admire you! lol
Get a GPS! Garmin 265W!
PS: I still get lost with it, but at least it helps me get back to where I ogirinally was. And it shows me where the nearest gas station is.. (in case i’ve been lost for too long and I’m running out of gas). Not to mention police stations (in case you end up in a bad neighbourhood), airport (in case you have to fly back from Alaska) , sushi restaurants, etc..
I also moved to my “boss” town, and it helped me get to all the interviews!
Gee PEE Ess!
My husband is always talking about moving to Cali but after listening to your experience, and the fact that i’ll be too far away from family anyway, and knowing how much I love living in Northern VA!!! Im All good
ohhh my, you have experienced the worst of what L.A. has to offer, but at least you know what to expect now
when I go to class in Santa Monica the directions say 20 minutes, but I almost always leave an hour early 
thats L.A. for you.
salaam, sister!
nyaha! your entries are hilarious.
gps are so unreliable, i know.
Yeah, that’s exactly what would happen to me, too. If it makes you feel better, once I was driving from the Target at Potomac Yard in Alexandria back home to NW DC. I wound up at the PG County Hospital about to have a panic attack after going on 495, New York Ave & the freaking Baltimore-Washington Parkway on Friday during rush hour (to everyone not familiar with DC, this is the exact opposite of the way I was supposed to go and a twenty minute drive took two hours).
So I feel ya. Good luck with the temp agency, hope they find you some nice gigs for you, insha’Allah.
i love the irony that you have trouble with an automatic…lol.
you should really should have a gps out there. we have one but we do end up getting lost still (like on the way to weddings…in DC..lol)
make sure it’s really loaded with roads or cards. it’s so rural out here ours only shows the “big” two-lane highway. if you’re on that, you’re not really lost…whatever.
p.s. i really want (i think?) it’s the tom-tom that you can pick the accents on. i want to be guided to my destination with an australian accent. how fun would that be?