Drumroll Please…

Posted on February 6, 2009
Filed Under Daily, Wow | 1 Comment

I asked all of you, in a post from the other day, to tell me (and the world) five things you would do if you knew there would be no consequences for your actions.

I just want to take a moment to say that a lot of people thought about how they could better the world, and help people. Well, let me tell you, I didn’t think about world peace, saving puppies, or about making sure anybody was taken care of, except me.

Hey, don’t blame me. When The Boss said he’d swim in gold coins like Scrooge McDuck, did he say I was invited? I.DON’T.THINK.SO.

I said I would give you my answers if I got 10 responses, so here they are.
Drumroll please…

1. I would change the seasons so it was summer. Then I’d use my super powers to make sure I looked really hot in a racer-back tank. Then I would put on a racer-back tank and go sit on my deck, where I would enjoy the chirping of the birds while I smoked a Big Fat Cuban Cigar.
(Since I really love winter, I would change the seasons back, after I spent a few minutes talking to the squirrels in “The Godfather” voice.)

2. I would steal (lots of things) from the Chanel store.

3. I would also rob a bank, while dressed in a Batman costume. (No, not Batgirl, BATMAN).

4. Next, I would teleport (at night) to Virginia Wesleyan College, (as to save time making that four-hour drive,) and wait in the dark parking lot behind Birdsong. Next, I would creep up on ex-Pretty Woman star extra, Dr. Margolies, and kick him in the shin (REALLY HARD) for giving me a ‘D’ in that stupid class about banjos (that I was tricked into taking) during Winter Session 2004.

5. I would dominate the runway at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, after using my super powers to lose 19 pounds and grow four inches.

BOO-YEAH!