NOOOO! MEGAN!!! DON’T GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Posted on January 30, 2009
Filed Under Daily | 6 Comments

Oh the drama that comes with Reality Television really is too much sometimes.
What a week it has been on “The Bachelor;” tears, and snot, and napkins stuck to lip gloss, an overnight date before the producers gave the ‘go-ahead,’ really bad singing and acting, and OH LORD, someone wean me away from The Tube, because Jason seems to be getting more lame hotter each week.

(If you’re just joining us, be sure to read this post, and this post, and this post to get yourself caught up).
(Reading will also help answer some of your pressing questions as to why I’m blogging about Reality Smellivision.)

I’d like to take a moment to first say, THANK GOD LAUREN DIDN’T GET A ROSE.
She was seriously abusive, and treated Jason like a child. She actually told him, (and I quote) “If you don’t give me a rose, I’ll be pissed.”

WHAT?

And after she didn’t get a rose, she told him she wanted to slap him because he didn’t listen to her.

WHAT?

WHO ARE YOU?

Lauren, seriously, when you get home, I want you to log onto www.sliceoflemon.com, and then take note of the following:
Get your eyebrows done professionally, and buy a hair straightener that’s worth more than $15, because for an ego the size of the Epcot Center, you’re like, really whack.
Oh, and you can’t sing.
I’m not saying I can sing, but I am saying you can’t.
(Oh, and while you’re on my site, feel free to browse around, and leave comments if you’d like.)

Moving on.

Bachelor Jason and the girls went to the set of General Hospital, and they got to act under the direction of real GH directors and producers!

Way cool.

(GH used to be my favorite show from ages 11 to 19 — but then I stopped watching when I wanted to become more religious, and realized that naughty, un-Islamic things shouldn’t make me happy.) (You know, like extra-marital affairs, lying about who’s baby you’re carrying, lying about actually being pregnant, selling drugs, committing murder, trying to commit murder, going to jail, pleading temporary insanity, breaking and entering, dying and then coming back to life — you know, the usual soap opera sagas.) (The year I ended my relationship with GH, I also took down a poster I had in my room of a partially-clad Britney Spears, which btw, my friends signed “Britney Spears” and everyone who saw it thought that I really got her autograph.) (One should note, that – that was a particularly hard year for me).

Anyway…

Megan got the role of a seductress, and had to wear a little black nightie that looked like it had been sent to Marshalls after shooting a Madonna video in 1996.
Great job, GH! I guess it pays to be Shamelessly Shoportunistic.

Megan’s scene ended with a kiss, which I kind of wish had been more romantic. When she jumped into Jason’s arms, and mauled the lower half of his face with her entire mouth, it was kind of…awkward, and violent, and scary for me.

After the taping, Jason took the girls to a place where “all the Hollywood celebrities hang out.” (Attribute: Jason).

YES! Maybe we’ll see someone we actually care about.

Oh, wait, there weren’t any real celebrities there.

Darn.

But by the look of excitement on Megan’s face when they walked into one of Hollywood’s hot spots, I’m pretty sure that when the cameras were off, she had a make-believe conversation with Lindsay Lohan.
I’m nearly positive.

So far, Jason seems really into Molly and Melissa, and surprisingly, into Naomi, who is a watered-down version of Eva Mendes. Naomi seems nice, but she does this thing where she always tilts her head to one side, which during some episodes, makes me feel a little queasy.

In a sad series of events, Widowed-Mom Stephanie, and Always-Trying-To-Be-Perfect, Nikki, got a 2-on-1 date with Jason — and Nikki got sent home.

At the rose ceremony, everyone was devastated when Jason had one rose left, three women to choose from, and then decided not to choose any of the women – one of those women being Megan.
I guess my prediction about Megan making it to the episode where the girls visit Jason’s hometown is now null and void.

Sucks.

I thought I’d only watch this show until Megan was no longer a supporting character, but now I kind of really want to see who wins this pathetic reality love show Jason’s heart.

World, this is a sad moment for all of us who have been cheering for Megan these past few weeks. Let’s take a moment to remember her journey – from most hated girl in the house, to expressing her desire to use a woman’s breast to nurture a fetus.

I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say, “We’ll miss you Megan. We’ll miss you.”

(Click here to read Megan’s interview with PEOPLE mag. Thanks, Lesley!)

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