J-O-B Spells Yikes!
Posted on January 28, 2009
Filed Under Daily | 13 Comments
The other day, a friend of mine saw a job opening online at a company in D.C., and forwarded me the posting.
Her e-mail said she knew I wasn’t looking for a job, but thought I’d be a good fit for the position.
Even though I’m not looking for a job, the listing did sound like something I’d be interested in, so I went ahead and sent my resume.
A couple of days later, the organization contacted me, and they wanted to meet for an interview.
If you follow this blog, than you know that I quit my job exactly three months ago.
I work on this site during the day, and since I work from home, I wear my robe and house slippers everyday.
I rarely leave the exact spot I’m sitting at right now, and when the milk from the cereal I ate for breakfast starts to form a ring of crust around my mouth, I ignore the impulse to brush my teeth, and stay put like a stubborn child who doesn’t want to take a bath.
I make my first move close to 5 p.m. when I workout, shower and get dinner going. Since the first five months of my life with The Boss consisted of both of us wearing unwashed sweats for up to 11 days at a time, I figure that the effort it takes to put on a dab of lip gloss for when he gets home from work, could at least make the little guy smile – and overtime, want to stay married.
Since I’ve gotten so used to being at home (alone) for about 12 hours at a time, I think I’ve sort of started to forget how to interact with other living, breathing creatures. In high school, I was a huge phone person, but I think with the advent of e-mail, text, and other forms of online chat, I don’t even like it when people call me.
The Boss and I don’t have any pets, and I rarely watch TV, so hours will go by before I realize I haven’t even talked all day.
Sometimes I’ll just randomly make a loud noise to make sure I’m still alive.
And since I usually do that everyday, I was actually afraid I might do that at my job interview.
“Hi Sabrina, thanks for coming in today. I took a look at your resume, and…”
“AAAA LLLMM LALALAALALA!”
My interview was scheduled for the beginning of the week, and even though I wasn’t nervous, I kind of had no idea how things were going to go. I’m never devastated when things don’t go my way, but I would hate to not get a job because I accidentally jumped on a desk, and started picking lice out of the other guy’s hair.
It’s weird being home all day – and it’s even more weird when I do go out and feel my whole body tense up when I’m in a place that has more than five people.
A friend of mine is having a baby shower at the end of this month, and so today I ran out to get her a gift. I was walking around the store for about 20 minutes, when all of a sudden, the store seemed like it was totally packed. People were talking, babies were crying, someone on the speaker was calling for a manager, and I could feel my knees starting to shake. I nearly crumbled in front of the Bratz Movie Mansion from an anxiety attack.
To prepare for my interview, I started doing random facial exercises to see if I still remembered how to show feeling.
Happy: Wide-open mouth, big smile.
Sad: Poke out lower lip, squeeze eyebrows together.
Excited: Mouth open, tongue out. No, that’s a dog. Mouth open, wide eyes.
But World, I still had another dilemma.
I love being married, but dammit, I’ve gotten fat.
The Boss and I are both really athletic, have played sports our whole lives, and love to work out, but I think those first five months of lax schedules, and eating bins of cookies after dinner has finally caught up. And in some strange, sick, twist of events, as I gain weight, he seems to be getting skinnier.
Between pants that won’t go up past my knees, and my quickly diminishing vocabulary, I started to hope I’d get the job because there are laws against discriminating against people with disabilities.
Did I mention, I also have absolutely NO sense of direction, and I opted to drive into D.C. instead of taking the metro?
Monday was going to be a long day, I could already feel it.
The good news is that I made it in on time, in spite of the roadwork being done in the city, and I only had to pay $9 for garage parking, which in D.C., is like a total steal.
Overall, I think the interview went well. I sucked in my stomach the whole time, and kept lifting and lowering my eyebrows in an effort to show the woman interviewing me that I was listening, and interested.
When I got home, I changed back into my sweats, wrapped myself in my robe, slid my feet into my old, worn-down (smelly) house slippers, and let out a deep, contented sigh.
Even when you’re all by yourself, there’s just no place like home.
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13 Responses to “J-O-B Spells Yikes!”
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ehehehe.
i can soooo relate with your story! i am always amazed at how many things that i can relate with you, eventhough I have never met you and we lived in a different country and all.
but man, yeah.
that’s the life of a home-based worker/entrepreneur.
and as i am typing this, i am still in my nightie
I laughed so hard when you said you make a random noise to check you’re alive! That’s just hilarious!
Hope you get the job!
A Mirror of my life, only add in a 5 month old niece as my main form of human interaction, makes things very interesting…I’m surprised when I can actually hold a conversation without make weird baby noises haha
OMG.HAHAAHA.
I can so see you going around the house yelling to make sure you’re still alive. Maybe you could get a fish/hermit crab/pet rock so you’d have someone to talk to during the day?
Good luck lady!
you mentioning not having pets got me wondering… what ever happened to that frog that amy got you? did it die in our apartment and i never knew?
these were all of the times i laughed out loud:
“and when the milk from the cereal I ate for breakfast starts to form a ring of crust around my mouth, I ignore the impulse to brush my teeth”
“Sometimes I’ll just randomly make a loud noise to make sure I’m still alive.” (i’ve done that too. BAAAH!)
“but I would hate to not get a job because I accidentally jumped on a desk, and started picking lice out of the other guy’s hair.” (unrelated: i always imagine i will “accidentally” throw myself over the balcony or hurl my camera out of the moving car….)
you were born to write, seriously. i love reading your entries.
Lesley, Radley died after college!!!:( It was a sad day, and actually, it was (we believe) my mom’s fault. Remember how I had to go to PetSmart like once a week to get him crickets? Well, one day, my mom caught a cricket outside and brought it in to feed Radley. She thought she was doing me a favor by saving me a trip to the store, Radley a favor by giving his palette something new to chew on, and I think she was also really proud that she caught a cricket…by herself.
But Radley didn’t get to eat his dinner that night, because that cricket refused to die! He had Bruce Lee-like reflexes, and each time Radley jumped for his meal, the cricket did all he could to avoid death. The next day, Radley was dead! Can you believe it? We think the cricket my mom got was poisonous. And even though we were sad that Radley was gone, you couldn’t help but feel happy for the little guy who fought to survive.
Thanks for a great laugh! At 10.48 in the evening, i nearly woke my sleeping husband and 10-month old baby by screeching with laughter and almost falling off my chair! Being alone with my baby from 8am till 5.30 in the afternoon, when my husband gets home, i can relate!
ha, ha – I can relate to your post. I am retired and I don’t go out unless I HAVE to. The world can be so overstimulating!
Ugh, I work out there, in public, and I can’t interact with people properly. Weirdly enough, I can talk to my coworkers just fine.
Congratulations on the interview! I hope you get the job!!
RIP Radley… you were nice to me that one day i held you… the only day i held you. {tear}
My fingers are crossed you’ll get the job ;D
You didn’t tell me you actually applied! Sheesh, now I have to check in on this blog every day to know about your life, haha. Well, if it’s right then it will come to you, can’t wait to see what’s right for you…I think a job like that would be spectacular fodder for the blog actually!