Brunette is the New Dumb Blonde

Posted on January 23, 2009
Filed Under Daily | 5 Comments

World, what is the stupidest thing you have ever heard someone say?

Don’t answer that.
I’ll tell you the answer.

The other night on The Bachelor (yes, we’re watching, because Megan is still on the show) our dear friend Meg-Pie and the rest of The Trashelor kitty cats were out on a group date with (overrated) Stud Muffin, Jason. Part of the group date was to make a cast of their bust, and then sell it for charity.

Let me explain.

The girls (and Jason) wanted to do good, so they linked up with an organization that raises money for breast cancer. They literally made a cast of their busts, then got to paint them. The casts will be sold at an auction, and the proceeds benefit breast cancer research.

But when the girls were talking about how they were going to decorate their casts, Megan said she wanted to draw a fetus suckling from the breast.

“I kind of wanted to do like a fetus right there, because they feed off of breasts, you know?”

Fetus? Feeding off breasts?

Now, I did get a C in Human Anatomy in high school, and a C in Genetics in college, a class that Megan and I were in together, (obvis, science wasn’t my best subject) but let me go ahead and give everyone Megan a little lesson in biology.

A fetus doesn’t suckle a breast! A fetus is a developing human that lives in the womb. It comes after the embryonic stage, and before childbirth. Therefore, it can’t actually use its mother’s breast until it’s born. It lives in a little bubble of fluids, and gets its nutrients through something called an umbilical cord, which Dear Megan, after they cut it, eventually turns into that little cave (or mountain for some) that’s sitting on your tummy, known as a belly button.

So, okay, the cameras are on, the lights are hot. Let’s give the girl a break, and assume she meant to say, “baby.”

But then, she didn’t stop there.

Realizing the rest of the girls were looking at her like she was a MORON, Megan grabbed a girl who was working in the studio, and asks, “Can you breastfeed after you have a mastectomy?”

Answer: NO.

So, okay, now that you know that, you want to press the issue further by drawing a FETUS getting nourished from a breast that a woman fighting cancer may not have???

Wow.

But (yes there is more) it didn’t end there.

Megan went on to say the following to really drive her point home.

“If everybody’s gonna have breast cancer, and their children can’t be breastfed, then our future is going to be screwed.”

WHAT?

There are SO MANY things wrong with that statement, I don’t even know where to start.

“If everybody’s gonna have breast cancer, and their children can’t be breastfed, then our future is going to be screwed.”

“If everybody’s gonna have breast cancer, and their children can’t be breastfed, then our future is going to be screwed.”

“If everybody’s gonna have breast cancer, and their children can’t be breastfed, then our future is going to be screwed.”

“If everybody’s gonna have breast cancer, and their children can’t be breastfed, then our future is going to be screwed.”

“If everybody’s gonna have breast cancer, and their children can’t be breastfed, then our future is going to be screwed.”

I thought maybe if I read it five more times it would make sense.
Turns out that’s not the case.

She said the reason no one understood what she was trying to say was because she has “depth,” and the other girls can’t relate to her. In the confessional, Megan acted like everyone else had heads filled with air.

“I really think some girls are as shallow as a kiddie pool and I don’t even think they understand half of my depth or where it comes from,” she said. “I mean, yes, I’m an artsy person, but really I just have depth.”

There are SO MANY things wrong with that statement, I don’t even know where to start.

The good news is that Megan is still hanging around, and we’re all still cheering for her. The bad news is, generally on the show, she’s kind of boring. The poor girl hasn’t gotten any one-on-one dates with Jason yet, so we haven’t gotten to see her really open up. But with only six weeks to fall in love, and considering Megan probably doesn’t even really like him, I doubt we’ll get to see that happen.

If you watched last week’s episode, then you saw Megan confront Big Fat Erica (who by the way, how the hell did she get on the show?) about being a hypocrite. The Boss and I cheered Megan on for telling it like it is, and for remaining calm, as drunk Erica stomped around the mansion.

There was a little drama this week, as self-absorbed Lauren told Jason that Megan wasn’t a good person. Megan overheard the conversation, and then confronted all the girls at the rose ceremony. Woo! You get ‘em, girl!

This week, Erica finally got kicked off the show, and Megan got the final rose at the rose ceremony, to which she responded by saying, “stop it right now.”

Oh Megan, we won’t stop until you do.

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